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Is the Internet Wonderful, or What? Isn't the Internet great? And I especially appreciate e-mail during this holiday season. It really brings out the best in people. It's amazing and so wonderfully heartwarming to learn how many folks -- folks I've never even met -- are so concerned about the size of my penis. And they're so cute about it; like they ask if I'd like to 'upgrade my love weapon'; or if I'd like to 'be better equipped'. (However, they don't mention if that's covered by Medicare.) Others offer me a great deal on refinancing my mortgage. They're so excited about it I may just have to take out a mortgage just so I can make them happy by refinancing it. After all, they put so much into sending me e-mails every day. I've gotten tips on where to buy that Magical Orgasmic Vibrator for my wife's Christmas present. (And here I'd been thinking more along the lines of a cashmere sweater. I guess I'm really out of it.) Some card players are willing to give me a $ 2,400 bonus, just for joining them in Blackjack. (Heck, I could get the sweater AND the vibrator!) Several single ladies -- right here in my home town! -- would just love to chat with me on the phone -- for as long as I want! (I haven't told my wife about them; she just wouldn't understand, you know? And, I sure won't mention the ones who want to send me pictures of themselves that I'd "really like".) Why some folks are even willing to give me a share in their inheritance, just for helping them cut the red tape to get the money out of some third world country, and into the United States. And to think they selected me from all those folks on the Web. Wow! Someone even entered me in a Dutch lottery. How nice is that? And, apparently I WON! Can you believe it? (I've just got to take care of a few details to secure my prize.) And, you know, I've never ever won anything before, in my life! Is the Internet great, or what? One fellow even offered me "Free money - Free fun!" But, you know I'm a little suspicious of that one. My father always told me that there was no free lunch. But, then, hey! Dad never had the Internet, did he? Several folks want to "promote" my "little soldier." Now this one has to be an error; I don't have any children in the military. But, it's the thought that counts. And I really appreciate it. And, many want to be sure that I please my wife. I guess it's just that holiday spirit bursting out all over. (But, I think even the sweater alone would do the trick, guys.) Would you believe that even folks in Russia would like to help me? At least I think they're from Russia; their e-mails look like the Cryllic alphabet. I'm not sure how they want to help, but their e-mails arrive so often I have to believe they're really sincere. "Be happy about your size," one kind soul advises. But, hey, I'm 5' 6" and I've always been comfortable with that. But it's nice to know that folks are concerned enough to write. But, there must be a glitch in the system somewhere. I can't tell you how many financial institutions -- and even e-Bay -- have written to tell me about errors in my account. I swear it must take me half an hour a day to correct all my personal information. But, it sure is good of them to write. Otherwise I'd never know.
Is the Internet great or what? God Bless George Gore for inventing it!
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