Martha
Stewart's DAY
I --
Build pavilion for the dinner -- something in a bungalow
motif. Use native woods. Strive for a Greene & Greene
look. (Use original hardware from the collection if time
gets too short to hammer my own.) Quarter-saw
white oak from the stand I felled last year. Build manger.
Use through-tenons and pegged construction, adding corbels
to the underside (Joseph may have been a carpenter, but he
was no Gustave Stickley!). DAY
2
-- Shear sheep. Card and spin wool. Weave. Fashion into
swaddling clothes. Phone Dale
at the Boathouse. Book time at furnace. Pick up Lino at
airport. Blow life-size glass putti. (Use gold foil
inclusions; the silver looked tacky in that eight-foot,
sand-cast sleigh Bertil and I did last year!) DAY
3 --
Pluck goose. Fashion quill pen. Make red ink from the
crushed skin of holly berries. Address 250 dinner
invitations in a calligraphic hand. Design
award-winning new type face. Carve from heart pine. Set type
for dinner menus. Pull 250 prints, hors commerce, and
pencil sign. Illume in six colors, plus gold. Bind in limp
covers. Set aside. DAY
4
-- Run off individual linen place mats and napkins on loom.
Embroider with guests' initials in original Arts &
Crafts design based on the Dard Hunter sketch book I found
at that wonderful yard sale last week for 25¢.
Design and
cast bronze mounts for those terribly plain, Tiffany
salts. DAY
5
-- Fuel the Aerocoupe. Fly to Colorado. Select and fell Blue
Spruce for the Great Room. Fashion sled from trimmed
branches. Recruit dog team. Mush tree to front yard, waving
gaily to ordinary folk along the way. (They will remember
this for years!) DAY
6
-- Soak frostbitten toes in Weller jardiniere filled
with fresh mountain spring water, to which has been added 8
oz. arctic ice. Reserve water for the ice sculpture.
(Remember to wash jardiniere before serving the mulled
wine!) Clean
funky old sideboard I found on the trash pile yesterday.
Paint in colorful Peter Hunt design. (I'll need a place to
put those three-color Grueby bowls for the soup.) Be sure to
cover up that "R"-inside-a-sawmark carved on the back,
probably by some bygone child. DAY
7
-- Melt down old copper tubing removed from Victorian house
I restored last week. Pour and let cool. Roll into sheets.
Radially hammer individual place card holders. Patinate and
set aside. Hit local
flea markets and garage sales. Gather enough "Ruba Rombic"
in seasonal colors of Jungle Green and Ruby Red to use as
party favors. (Don't tell dealers their Consolidated "Ruba
Rombic" is really Kopp "Modernistic." They don't want to
hear it. Particularly not from Martha Stewart!) DAY
8
-- Strip Thanksgiving turkey carcass; dry. Paint red.
Distress. Apply gold leaf to highlight. Invert and hang on
front door. Fill with freshly cut pine boughs and cones. Add
left-over mashed potatoes to pine cone tips to simulate
snow. Top with jellied cranberries for that festive note.
For dinner
music, record traditional Christmas melodies on period
instruments, playing each myself and mixing in my studio
later. Laser CD's, enough for each guest. DAY
9
-- Harvest bee hives. Make wax; color with crushed and
pureed fresh cranberries for that just-right Christmas-red.
Line 120 toilet paper rolls saved over past year (waste not;
want not!) with wax paper. Using as molds, cast bee's-wax
candles. Remove and discard TP rolls. Line drive
and walk with Loetz oil-spot vases. To each, add 1-1/2 cups
Gulf Coast, summer sand, to weight. Insert red candles (wick
up). They will look lovely, glowing warmly, against the
snow! (If summer sand is unavailable, substitute winter
sand, but increase to 1-2/3 cups.) DAY
10 - The Day of the Dinner --
E-mail holiday greetings to the 37 on-line discussion groups
I moderate. Be sure to preface with "Off Topic." Remember to
ask them to respond by PRIVATE e-mail! Greet
guests, asking after each of their children or grandchildren
byname. So as to reduce guests' well-deserved feelings of
inadequacy,carefully add a light splash of Beaujolais
Nouveau to the skirt of the country suit I whipped up this
morning. Smile
modestly. Try (sincerely, this year!) to appear slightly
flustered. Sign and
dedicate 250 copies of "Martha Stewart Collects." Collapse. As
imagined by Bob Sindelar
Personal Pre-Holiday Planner for an
Arts & Crafts Christmas Dinner
Fume and set aside.
Swaddle. Place in manger.
http://www.sindelarandobrien.com